Thursday, February 28, 2013

Katie Gillis' "Moving On"

Moving on is a story about getting over the exhaustion and dejection of a failed relationship.  Olivia ventures out of her comfort zone of self pity to attempt a date with the fresh, intriguing Turner.  After getting snapped out of her lull by her friends, she begins to open her mind to a new love and before she (or I) knew it, she's getting married.  Again.
I really enjoyed how fast paced this story was.  It flashed forward in time on multiple occasions, taking us through the successful venture of the couple's relationship.  The scene on the beach made for a nice setting for the flourishing love between Turner and Olivia.
I think the main criticism for this story is that it needs to show not tell.  The date is especially heavy in telling the reader what happened between the two, making for a summarization of emotions and events.  For instance, "conversation kept a constant rhythm the entire date. Turner had a lot in common with Olivia and they had the same goals for their futures. Olivia shared her story from the past year and it was never brought up again. Turner knew that Olivia was ready to move past it and start a new chapter."  Why not show us that the conversation is going well, the way that the scene in the donut shop in Louie is depicted? You could also show us the dialogue where the two have things in common.   It seems kind of wild to tell the reader that Turner knows Olivia wants to move on, it's their first date and she's bringing up this failed relationship.  I think dialogue here would really help the story.  
Overall, I thought this story was really fast paced and a quick read. 

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