I really enjoy the description in the first page of the story. For instance, "The floor creaked and gave old crackles like a fire under each step I made," gives me a really good sense of the sounds that the narrator is describing. I think this is also a pretty accurate description of what I could imagine the emotions of a gay man are like. His struggle with societal views and inner "weakness" are about what I could conclude from episodes of Will and Grace. I think that she does a good job of hinting at the depression and suicidal tendencies before finally "undressing the white cloth hiding his secret." scratch that, I didn't realize the white cloth was hiding his moobs. I see.
I think this is too melodramatic for a story about a transexual and his male lover. Furthermore, I'm a little confused about how this guy, Dominique, fell in love with a man-ish girl, but then still encouraged him/her to go through with the procedure so adamantly. If he loves her/him why does he lack patience? I mean, if Anthony is unsure about sex change, wouldn't Dominique be more understanding? it seems like a pretty irreversible thing. This almost reads like a feel good documentary-- not as much as fiction. I think that it might be more compelling if the fact that they were gay and transexual or whatever was just a plot detail, but the story was about something less gushy. LIke what if DHR is coming to take this daughter away because her mom/dad is presumably emotionally unstable and so the partners have to fight to keep their kid. That would open up an opportunity to make the characters more charismatic and give the reader something to root for.
What exactly made it feel "gushy" to you? Just the cute stuff with the daughter at the beginning? I though the pressure to get the operation from Nicki/Dominick was rather disturbing. I did really like your idea about DHR, since it'd definitely make the audience sympathetic to the couple.
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