"Welcome to Fatso's, home of the McFatty, how many you want?" Satire oozes. Melissa's voice of a sassy and condescending girl is convincing and hilarious.
The thoughts of extorting money from her parents is so spot on that it's embarrassing. I really enjoy the contrast between the conversation that the narrator and the "drive thru lady" have over the speaker and face to face. Melissa did a really good job of conveying the lack of respect that someone gives a drive thru voice box.
The ending in this story is incredible. I love the range of emotions that the boyfriend feels. The drive home serves as a proper way to settle him down, and give him the thought of reviving the relationship. Furthermore, the way he gets back at his friend for screwing his girlfriend is awesome. It made me like the narrator about ten times more than the moment where he walks in, expecting to give Lisa his burger. I wonder if he would get caught? It seems like he might stand a chance of getting away with it.
One thing I will say about the dialogue in the story is that the asian and the black lady are nearly offensively typical. I'm cracking up at the conversations, but I can't help but imagine these characters as "cartoons." It took me until page five to realize that the narrator in the story was a boy, the sass filled thoughts that has at the drive thru window give me an inclination that he may hate Lisa because he's gay, not just because she's a bitch.
Your story was da bomb, thank you.
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