Rock and Roll 4/20 House Show

The other night I went to a battle of the bands house show that happened to coinside with the smokers “holiblaze” April, 20^th.  During the first band’s show, a band who’s name has escaped me, the projector that was used for special effects was showing a movie about Native Americans.  This got me thinking about the idea of having a movie play in the background of a rock and roll show, and what might inspire a band to use film imagery in their show. 

            Listening to their lyrics I decided that it was entirely possible, and more so probable, that the band had written each song to be paired with the storyline of the movie.  This got me thinking about something that Dr. Spell said earlier in the semester—something about taking a single song lyric or painting and writing a story about the image provided.  So I got to thinking about some of my favorite storylines and how they would fit into a series of poems.  I came to the conclusion that because of my lacking abilities to write a complete story, it would be a fantastic idea to take a movie like Django Unchained and separate some of the most powerful scenes and create a series of poems that recreate a similar story of abusive oppression and heroic rebellion.  I got to thinking even more and realized that this is a vice that Tarantino uses himself.  Jackie Brown starts out with an airport scene that is almost identical to the one at the intro of The Graduate.

            At the end of the show the band turned around and looked surprised to see the movie playing and the lead singer said, “Oh, hell yeah, I love that movie.  You guys should all watch that movie.”  And so even though my interpretation of the lyrics juxtaposition with the movie is completely off base and incorrect, I think that it inspired some good ideas for me. 

Big Blue Eyes by Morgan

I'm hooked by the concept of an interview with Casey Anthony.  Being so fresh and controversial makes it a great subject for the story.  Morgan does a really good job of getting inside the mind of an irresponsible and immature ex-mother.  I really like the justification that Casey Anthony gives for why she didn't notice that her daughter was missing for thirty days.  She's such a loon.  I like the detail that she reads the book on "autopilot," it just really illustrates the concept of her lack of care for her child and her viewing Caylee as more of a burden than blessing.  "Fighting with my mother over how to raise her or some other trivial thing," I thought that was hilariously ironic.  The ending is seriously fucked up, "it was my way of apologizing for not giving her the ending she wanted."  I almost think this is too real to be made up, it seems a lot like how Casey Anthony might actually view the world.  Maybe it just characterizes her the way I see her in my head, either way, it's an effective portrayal.

I had a bit of trouble determining who was talking at certain points.  Some of the times when Casey is describing the journalist but then gives a quote kind of jar me from the story.  For instance, "She sat there, flabbergasted. “What?” I question." sort of confused me, and took me a couple of times to get ahold of.  And although I liked the ending, I think that Casey admitting to the crime, even off the record, is a little unbelievable.  I don't see someone who just got through the most controversial trial of the decade being so willing to admit to murdering her daughter because of the "off the record" prompt.  

Overall, I thought this story was extremely interesting and quick.  Nicely done. 

Driver's License Sky Acton

I really enjoy the description in the first page of the story.  For instance, "The floor creaked and gave old crackles like a fire under each step I made," gives me a really good sense of the sounds that the narrator is describing.  I think this is also a pretty accurate description of what I could imagine the emotions of a gay man are like.  His struggle with societal views and inner "weakness" are about what I could conclude from episodes of Will and Grace.  I think that she does a good job of hinting at the depression and suicidal tendencies before finally "undressing the white cloth hiding his secret."  scratch that, I didn't realize the white cloth was hiding his moobs.  I see. 

I think this is too melodramatic for a story about a transexual and his male lover.  Furthermore, I'm a little confused about how this guy, Dominique, fell in love with a man-ish girl, but then still encouraged him/her to go through with the procedure so adamantly.  If he loves her/him why does he lack patience?  I mean, if Anthony is unsure about sex change, wouldn't Dominique be more understanding? it seems like a pretty irreversible thing. This almost reads like a feel good documentary-- not as much as fiction.  I think that it might be more compelling if the fact that they were gay and transexual or whatever was just a plot detail, but the story was about something less gushy.  LIke what if DHR is coming to take this daughter away because her mom/dad is presumably emotionally unstable and so the partners have to fight to keep their kid.  That would open up an opportunity to make the characters more charismatic and give the reader something to root for.  

Slutter by Taylor

I like the details about Levi Jamison.  Especially that his smiles make his cheeks so fat that his eyes are shut, and that his th's sound like f's because of his gummy voice.  I like the character of Levi in general. The conversation between Levi and the Vanilla girl was funny and charming.  I liked the commentary on racial variety, that made me laugh.  The scene where he renames Bullshit to "I doubt it" has a quirky humor to it that you might see in an indie romantic comedy.  That in addition with the nirvana t-shirt makes Saywer pretty close to Five-Hundred Days of Summer-hip.  I think that it fits in this story, though.  It isn't like Sawyer is constantly describing her interest in Portland, or Where the Wild Things Are, and Roman is characterized by the kind of guy who would rightfully be mesmerized by Sawyer's hippie style. I thought that the characterization of these three was done really well, and sets up to make them a good trio.
 I also liked the way the scenes cut from one to the next. I thought that they each transitioned well, and fit together extremely tightly.  The asterisks were almost unnecessary because the story flowed so well.

One of the things that kind of took me out of the story was that some of these descriptions are confusing to me.  "She was like a storm that never left,"I just don't really know how to take that.  One more thing that took me out was how rapid of a reader Sawyer was.  I suppose the book that Roman may have had was a short one, but if she's reading half of it while he watches, maybe he should detail how long he sits and stares at her.  Maybe this is a good chance to describe his attraction to her.

Caroline Barr Smoke Rings

I thought that the comedy throughout was done tastefully.  I liked the line, "you flicked your hand towards me once more as if to finalize his bastard status."  I think it's a useful way to give charisma to what would be an otherwise dramatic or caddy scene.  I think that this narrator's voice is really good for avoiding a Gossip Girly tone.
I thought the scene in the bathroom was charming-- the idea of two people really hitting it off while some nameless girl cuddles a puddle of throw up is funny and believable.  This scene reads like a lot of my own experiences at house parties, and that made it effective.
I don't know if we really need to know how Clara died, but I can't help but feel extremely interested in what it may have been.  Maybe this makes it more interesting of a story, but if Caroline wanted to leave that detail out, I think the ending may be a bit too abrupt.  They're crawling out the window and then Clara's dead, and even that seems to have some interpretive value.  Maybe that's the reading on death, it is abrupt like the demise of Clara. One minute you're drawing flowers on the wall and the next you're dead.  I guess I finish the story wishing there were a couple more pages-- maybe extend the bathroom scene somehow, or maybe more about what you see of Clara from across the party.

Cargo by Adam

I really like the description of the "humid oily wind," it reminds me of hot summer days in Eagleville, Misery.  Missouri*  I also thought the explanation of trucker's use of "Jack" was really funny, i took the short description that follows jack to be if they were to call someone jackass.  This could be completely unintentional, but I chuckled.  I think the descriptions in this version really flow a lot stronger than the previous version.  I think the improvements to this one are pretty abundantly clear.
The ending to this story is drastically improved.  This really transforms the narrative into something that effects the reader much more, the scene at the end between jacob and james is beautifully tragic.  The dialogue between the two is perfectly interspersed with description of broken lamps and james tripping over himself.  This is a really impressive story.

Katie Gillis Never the Same

I thought that the description of the bicycles and exercise attire were well integrated into the story.  I have a good image of the purple and mint striped bicycle that the narrator wheels out into the fresh air.  In this opening portion of the story I thought it definitely would have been beneficial to include some more description of Rob.  So far we have a lot of use of "our" to describe the couple-unit's emotions, but we don't even know what the husband looks like.  I have an image of the author in some biking clothes with some sort of generic brown headed guy, I wonder if he's some sort of tri-athalete after the comment that the narrator "had no problem keeping up with Rob."  She seems surprised to be able to maintain her husbands pace. Why is this? I think that the first section really has a lot of potential, I just think we need to see more of the couple's makeup.
I also really enjoy the idea of the wife trying to talk with the husband during the run.  It's a funny scene, a wife talking while a husband is focused on his run. I think there's a clever gender commentary there.  I think that you could even draw up this scene a little bit by describing how much she's panting while trying to talk to him during the run.  I know that it's extremely difficult to maintain any sort of conversation during a run that is remotely strenuous, so maybe if she's kind of killing her lungs and exhausting herself by trying to talk to him it would make for an even lighter scene.
At the end it seems a little bit exposition heavy... I think that if you added a scene of another run that maybe shows the differences in their relationship that would be interesting.  For instance, maybe Rob tries to communicate with the Syd at the end of the story, showing the change instead of the author having to tell us.
I thought this story was a cool take on the September 11th attacks.  I like the concept of trying to get into the mind of an average bystander.

Escort Chuck Palahniuk

I think that this story has the same ability to hook the reader into a sort of suspense as Emergency did.  The description of the narrarator's job "lying on [his] back on a creeper with a two hundred pound class 8 diesel truck drive-line lying on [his] chest and running down between [his] legs as far as [his] feet."brings the reader into a sort of mystified state of wondering what the hell Palahniuk means by this sexual language.  Where Johnson spent more time leaving the reader suspended, Palhniuk goes ahead and elaborates on his job on a factory assembly line.  Still, both authors show a really keen ability to give the reader little tidbits that heighten curiosity.  

I thought that the voice in Palahniuk's story was awesome.  When he's talking directly to the reader, almost criticizing his "cheesy organ music" diction and then dumbing his descriptions down to words like "sad" it really characterizes the author.  I think this direct approach of addressing the reader is personal and causes a closer connection to the writing.  I really appreciate the self-depricating commentary on his word choice. He goes on to comment again when he refers to the sex toys and "whatnots" as "Orphaned," but then corrects himself, saying, "that's not the right word either, but it's the first word that comes to mind." Where I would usually struggle to find a word that is perfect, Palahniuk goes a different route, admitting that there isn't a word that he would use organically to describe the toys, and instead creates an aside to the reader, explaining his dramatic language.  

The only thing that I’m missing is the connection that the narrator feels to the dead people.  His last lines “I could’ve lived there.  Anyone could’ve lived there.”  seem to indicate some sort of perspective gained on the deaths of the hospice members, but is it to say that it could have been anyone?  I suppose that I missed something.

Denis Johnson Emergency

I really enjoy the prospect that either Georgie’s vision is horrendous or his self medication is causing his complete oblivion to the world around him.  I think that the way that Johnson vaguely describes his visionary ignorance through dialogue without directly saying what the problem is creates a certain amount of suspense and mystery.  For instance in the scene in the drive in theatre Georgie says, “I’m starting to get my eyes back,” but the only description that Johnson offers is that “A general greyness was giving birth to various shapes, it was true.”  I think that this is a really intriguing way to describe a drug trip of some sort.  His vagueness keeps me interested in what drugs these two must have done earlier in the day that have caused their current disposition.  The disagreement between Georgie and “fuckhead” about how far they are from town leaves more questions to be answered, further suspending the reader. 

The humor in this piece is unbelievably written.  It’s so sly that it constantly arranges your face in a cracked smile.  The scene where Georgie slices a mother’s baby rabbits out of her stomach is morbid and hilarious.  The dialogue between the father driving the Dodge and Georgie is awesome.  “What is it, a snake?”  “No, it’s not a snake, It’s a rabbit with babies inside it.”  “Babies!” The mother’s reaction to this terrible image is realistic but creates such a contrast between Georgie and the family in the car that I can’t help but crack up. 

My only question is what kind of real change did Georgie undergo?  I can see that he begins as a tearful goon, but finds some self-worth between pulling the hunting knife out Terrence’s eye and cutting the baby rabbits out of the mother’s stomach, but I can’t really tell if he’s undergone change or just taken a bunch of drugs.  I can see that maybe the point is to illustrate some new sense of confidence following an LSD trip, and I guess that is a substantial change, but I can’t help but imagine that Georgie is still the unstable mess at the start of the story. 

Kylie Putnal Remember Dauntless River

Kylie does a remarkable job of setting the opening scene at the river.  I thought that the use of italics was different than what others in the class had been doing and was a useful way to show us the river.  The combination of dialogue and detail makes the description come about naturally throughout the entire story.  Kylie's metaphor of her emotions, "escaping with the avalanche, tumbling through my head and leaving me loose and unsteady." is original and effective.  This story has a nice ending to it, and a warming effect as the siblings end up being back together on the river where it had all started. 

I appreciate Kylie’s use of the youngest person in the story bestowing wisdom upon the other characters.  I think that Michael is clearly the voice of immature wisdom during the scenes that Kate and Lily are fighting with each other.  I liked that those fights reminded me of the way that my older sisters used to fight— always in their bedrooms, and always like cats.  This may almost teeter on typical, but I think that the setting of the bedroom for the first major conflict between Lily and Kate is appropriate. 

This story has a plot that you might see from a TNT original television series.  I think the plot twist that the parents have died in a car wreck is a little overused and makes the conflicts between Lily and Kate less interesting.  I think that some of the images of the scene like, “Eyes closed. Arms raised. Face tilted upward. I smile as the sun strokes my skin, blanketing my body in a nerve-tingling warmth” might even be too warm for the reader.  It’s almost gushy in its language.

I think this story has vivid imagery that carries its storyline throughout.  

Elizabeth McCracken Some Terpischore

A story about a woman with a rough voice and a man who plays experimental music with a saw shows us that the more creative the storyline, the easier it is to build an intriguing story.  The use of hindsight in this story was interesting.  Mayra's ability to see where she was naive in her relationship with Gabe makes her a more charismatic character.  I think that if she had been a character with less perspective and more hope she might come across as annoyingly blissful, but her self deprecation gives her more balance.
I thought that Elizabeth McCracken's descriptions of Mayra's outfit was well done.  She describes the dress, gloves, lipstick, and eyelashes as haunted, which made me think Blue Velvet meets the thrift store.
I thought that at times Mayra was even humorous in her thoughts and narration.  When she gets punched in the boob she writes, "A very strange place to take a punch. Not the worst place.  I thought that as it happened: not the worst place to take a punch."  I found myself laughing at this line, I guess I'm a sucker for repetition.  I find myself doing this same thing in my own writing and have noticed a few other people in the class doing it too.  It seems like a useful tool for inserting humor into tense situations.
I thought that the transition of Gabe may have been a little to abrupt, and I would have liked to have seen something earlier that indicated why things took a turn in the direction.  I thought that McCracken's use of exposition to describe his new abusive tendencies to throw soft things at Mayra was less interesting than a scene depicting the same thing.

MIcky by Adam W.

I thought this story flowed organically was loaded with creativity.  I really like the perspective of an animal, and when I realized that the narrator was a bull I was surprised that nobody had branched out and tried to write from an animal's point of view.  I really enjoyed the contrast between father and son, William is created as a calm and steady leader, while Micky is aggressive and rebellious towards his father.  I thougth that this was useful to set up the ending in that it was William's reputation that saved Micky from certain death.  I also thought that Adam did a really nice job of building suspense in the scene with the two black bulls.  The thoughts going through Micky's head about his imminent doom had me burning through the words to get to the ending.  I thought the ending to this story was exceptional.
I thought the story was a little unclear about why Micky couldn't follow the herd.  I wasn't sure if it was because he liked to run around and fight (which is what it seems like Adam was going for) or if he was forced to challenge the other herds.  I just think some clarification to why he felt the need to rebel or  maybe having the argument between Micky and William precede his comments about wishing he could follow the heard would clear this up.  Maybe Adam wanted the reader to wonder why he couldn't follow the herd, but my questioning whether it was his duty to fight the other herds or not seemed to take me out of the story a bit.
This story was really great, mad props.

Days of Reckoning

I really like the intro/hook to this story, the voice of a diluted alleged criminal is strong and lacking in perspective.  I think his description of the jury's evil "slits for eyes" sounds like something that a cult member would actually say.  His desire to "save" the young boy in the front of the courtroom really fills out Mr. Boham as a fanatical nut. The courtroom scene in the beginning of the story seems believable, the language that the prosecuting attorney uses is effective and realistic, especially his constant addressing of Bonham by name.  I really like the voice of Bonham, especially how crazy he sounds in his own head.  His constant reference to David Koresh as the Lord or God or the Messiah sets up well for the contrast between Mr. Bonham and Lydia's religious beliefs that takes place at the end of the story.

One thing is that the chauvinism coming from Mr. Bonham seems to be a little bit robotic. His transition from raping his wife to demanding dinner almost comes off as cliche.  One of the things that kept bringing me out of the story was my constant questioning of the facts presented in the story, for instance, where did the ATF agents enter the Branch Dividians quarters in real life?  Wasn't the tear gas an adverse effect of the fire that burned the members alive?  I think that this could be solved by changing the name of the cult and leaving David Koresh out of the story.  The use of real names serves to pull me out of the story and bring me to the google search bar.

I really enjoy these cult stories that we're getting, maybe something is in the air.

Tutti Fucking Fruity Meryl Hall

Andrea's voice is a useful way to remain organic while setting the story. The first person thoughts of a bitchy "rager" provides irony in her perception, for instance Andrea calling shane immature after he got her birthday presents instead of drugs.  I liked to be able to laugh at the idiocracy of an unlikable main character.  

I thought that the story outline was intriguing. I like the idea of following the perspective of a "femme fatale" through her conquests, and I think that the relationship between an asshole like Andrea and what seems like a "nice guy" Shane creates a good opportunity to explore the dynamic of a girl who walks all over her boyfriend.  Even though it seems like Shane should leave Andrea, he seems to be caught in her spell.  I think that Meryl could use this to really bring more humor and plot into the story. 

I think that the story needs more in the middle to make the connections from Shane stomping away from Andrea to them arriving at the ending.  There isn't enough plot to make me believe that Shane drives and waits in an abandoned house like a puppy dog.  I think that more of the party scene after shane stomps away or maybe a phone call or some sort of other interaction besides Andrea trying to get laid needs to take place.  

I think that if you take the personality of an evil woman and really examine it this story will come together nicely.