Katie Gillis' "Moving On"

Moving on is a story about getting over the exhaustion and dejection of a failed relationship.  Olivia ventures out of her comfort zone of self pity to attempt a date with the fresh, intriguing Turner.  After getting snapped out of her lull by her friends, she begins to open her mind to a new love and before she (or I) knew it, she's getting married.  Again.
I really enjoyed how fast paced this story was.  It flashed forward in time on multiple occasions, taking us through the successful venture of the couple's relationship.  The scene on the beach made for a nice setting for the flourishing love between Turner and Olivia.
I think the main criticism for this story is that it needs to show not tell.  The date is especially heavy in telling the reader what happened between the two, making for a summarization of emotions and events.  For instance, "conversation kept a constant rhythm the entire date. Turner had a lot in common with Olivia and they had the same goals for their futures. Olivia shared her story from the past year and it was never brought up again. Turner knew that Olivia was ready to move past it and start a new chapter."  Why not show us that the conversation is going well, the way that the scene in the donut shop in Louie is depicted? You could also show us the dialogue where the two have things in common.   It seems kind of wild to tell the reader that Turner knows Olivia wants to move on, it's their first date and she's bringing up this failed relationship.  I think dialogue here would really help the story.  
Overall, I thought this story was really fast paced and a quick read. 

Love Harder

When I read this story I couldn't stop imagining Jodie Foster as the main character.  Love Harder is about a female detective who undergoes an epiphany in an airport terminal during a delayed flight.  I really appreciated the voice of Amber in this story, I like the use of the child's simple and brutally honest sentences as the catalyst to Nicole's change.  For instance when Amber describes Nicole as looking, "serious and strong and tired and lonely.”  Kylie did a good job of illustrating the inability of an adult to take serious offense to a child's blunt words.  I thought that mixed with the Eric's interjection that children impart wisdom upon adults, this theme was expressed really well.  I thought that the use of the blackberry as a symbol for the busy businessman really got across the inner change in Nicole, and her new found appreciation for slowing down and smelling the roses. 

The only thing that I can think to suggest is that the story could use a little more outside action to spice itself up.  The dialogue is strong, but at times the story is dialogue heavy which might slow it down a bit.  I think it would be easy to do this in a setting like a packed out airport where one could make an olympic event out of people watching.  Other than that I would only suggest maybe losing the line about "tying up a few loose ends" because I believe it to be an overused detective cliche. 

Really intriguing and well done. 

Caroline Barr "Stranger Danger"

Caroline Barr's "Stranger Danger" tells the story of a girl performing the impossible Tootsie Pop Challenge.
I really liked the way the narrator counts her way through all of the events of the story.  The constant flashing over from her excursion with Lisa to her counting the licks of her Tootsie Pop made for a light-hearted flow.  I also liked the basis of this character that, on the surface,  displays extreme self-confidence but at the end seems to unravel in her own insecurity.  It reminds me of that same confidence that Zoey Deschanel has in 500 Days of Summer, which I always thought was unbelievable and absurd.
Because I always thought that the character of "Summer" was an annoyingly inaccurate depiction, I really want more of the meltdown scene in the card shop.  I thought that a few of the descriptions in the park left me confused about what I was seeing.  For instance, "A few awkward pre-teen girls sat on a quilt forming flower chains to grace their necks and heads like wreathes;" I don't really know what a flower chain looks like, or what it means to grace a neck like a wreath.  I like the image of a bunch of pre-teen girls trying to divert the attention of teenage boys, but I think the description becomes a little distracting there. 
I really enjoyed the action and the thought process in the story, I think this is definitely going in a really strong direction and I can't wait to get ahold of the revision. 

Logged Into Love

The story sets up a nice illustration of the emotions that Brandon goes through while waiting on her internet boyfriend, Sebastian to sign on to his computer and reconnect with her.  Brandon seems to have more of an inner conflict between the paranoid side of her that thinks that Sebastian has ditched her, and her calmer side which insists that he has not left her without notifying her.  

I liked the use of internet grammar. I thought that the use of ellipses in the conversation between "Chazzymouse" and Brandon was indicative of the young age and informal relationship of the characters.  I thought that using instant messaging for dialogue was a contemporary device that brought some flare to the story.  

I would have liked more at the end of the story.  I thought that when "Sebby"finally called Brandon the conversation could have been expanded.  I was interested in the details of the story about his belongings and the police investigation that followed, and I thought that it may have been wound up too quickly.  Some more dialogue from Sebastian that explains the story of how he got his things back might make for a more intriguing story. 

Cargo

    Cargo is a story of James, a truck driver, and the tension caused by extended hours on the road.  James injures his hand while climbing into his truck, setting off a system of reckless driving.  For instance there is an extended scene where James tries to pry a can of red bull from the opposite pocket of his useful hand.  I thought that this scene was well done because of the realistic nature of the scenario.  I thought that the veering into the other lane and barely missing a mercedes made the entire crisis more substantial, and indicating that the author had thought through possible effects.  I thought the similes in this story were especially nice.  The image of a ping pong ball in an empty fish bowl was creative and appropriate, even if the Aron Ralston comparison seemed a little forced (I couldn't help from laughing).
    The only thing that I would say the story could use is maybe a little more action.  I thought that some of the extended scenes in the truck were a little slow.  I really liked the interactions between James and the other truckers (the mozart argument was hilarious).  I would have enjoyed more of this banter over the CB radio.

"A Good Sort of Kid"

Mikey is a chubby misfit in the boyscouts of America.  He doesn’t understand the crude humor of his fellow scouts and is generally ostracized from the group.  Following a fight with a fellow camper, Richard, Mikey is left out of a plan hatched by the troupe.  The troupe intends to go to a cave of black bears but without the “chubbo.”  Mikey stays behind and manages not to sing to the scoutmaster. 

I really enjoyed the unpleasant nature of the scout's interactions with each other.  It really reminded me of the movie, The Tree of Life.  The inappropriate jokes are relatable to any young boy, and the writing is true to what immature conversation was like.  

I was a little confused by the ending of the story, when he dims the light is that supposed to signify some sort of ominous tension?  I understood that the boys had in some way tested Mikey, but I wanted more at the end.  I thought the part where the scout master wakes up may have been a good opportunity for suspense, maybe he tests mikey's will to keep the scout's secret? 

Overall, really good story, at the end I was wanting to keep reading.  

"New Day" Amanda Redfoot

A high school girl who finds herself in a similar situation to Eminem in 8 mile gets asked to a dance by a hunky Josh.  She finally agrees to go, but will have to find a way to maintain her complex web of lies that she has been telling her friends. She has kept up a facade of wealth, claiming that her mother and she use the weekends of dances to go on skiing trips, when in reality she can't afford a dress.  She gets home from agreeing to go to this dance with Josh, to learn that her and her mother have been evicted and she will be on her own.  She feels liberated.
I really liked the ending of the story.  I thought that the way the protagonist takes on her problem was inspiring.  It reminds me of a song by The White Stripes, "Little Acorns" in which a woman who has surmounting problems decides that like a squirrel to its acorns, she can carry her problems one at a time.  The ending realization that she can worry about resolving her lies to josh later, but immediately she should find a dress is an insightful notion.  
My only criticism is that I thought some of the dialogue was a little unbelievable.  The conversation about the two girl's puddles of drool seemed a little unrealistic in that Lane had just been thinking about the two girls "puddles" of drool before josh comes up and refers to the same "puddles" culminating at the girl's feet.  I also thought that the vase full of "crap" was a little hard to follow, it seemed like referring to it as "crap" was a little too easy.
I really enjoyed the type of character that Lane represents.  Good, quick read.

Aimee Bender's "Off"

Aimee Bender's "Off" is an uproarious exploration of a woman's superficiality and psychosis.  The main character's goal of kissing three men to complete the tri-fecta of hair color intimacy leads the reader through a sequence of irony filled scenes.  The reader's proclamations of her material wealth combined with her cold, detached personality characterizes the seductive indie/progressive woman the likes of my girlfriend of two exes ago.
As I read the story, I kept underlining the main character's conceited thoughts.  For instance, "It smells like a woman, like expensive perfume, but not as rich as me;" Our nameless femme fatale is constantly reminding herself of her superiority in social class to the other people at the party.  These self obsessive remarks are coupled with her declarations of her artistic skill.  Her ability to shamelessly brag about her art allows for a pretty hilarious exchange between herself and the redhead that she kisses first.  The redhead remarks that he remembers the protagonist because she was "the one with the inheritance." She responds by telling him that she was really good at painting as well, and in a drunken moment of misplaced manners the redhead says, "really? I don't remember that." This interaction in the bedroom displays the contrast between the way that the protagonist glorifies herself and the way that others remember her.  This contrast also brings more substance to the tendency of the protagonist to remind herself of her wealth.  I thought her ego compared to everyone else's perception of her allowed for a lot of humor in Bender's story.

T.C. Boyle The Love of My LIfe

Damn.  If I had to describe this story in one word, I would sound like Chris Tucker in Friday, "Damn."  The way that Boyle transitions from a story about the naive love of a young couple, into a self-destructive tragedy of misguided youth. I thought that the exposition of the character's thoughts was effective and stood out as Boyle's tool of character development. When Jeremy tries to draw up the image of, "China, the love of his life- and he couldn't, what did she look like? What was her face like..." this is the perfect set up for China's betrayal that comes in the next paragraph.  When Boyle shows the reader that the distance between China and Jeremy has grown to the extent that the two are no longer real to each other, it allows for a smooth transition into China's turn against Jeremy.
The other extremely useful device that Boyle uses is description.  "...And when the baby came out, the baby girl all slick with blood and mucus and the lumped white stuff that was like something spilled at the bottom of a garbage can." Her description of the birth/afterbirth scene is so stomach churning that I winced as I read it.  Especially the later part of the sentence where he describes the placenta or  the "lumped white stuff" and how it "spilled at the bottom of a garbage can,"I couldn't help but to imagine China as the metaphorical trash can. I found that use of metaphor to be on time for what I felt had to have been going on in Jeremy's head at that point in their relationship.  I thought this story was addictive and fast paced.

Secrets of Cooking

In Morgan Shaffer's portrayal of a wife put into the "pressure-cooker," Emma stresses around her house, particularly the kitchen, while cooking dinner for her relatively new in-laws.  After spending an entire anxious day attempting to cook as well as her Mother in law, Caroline, she was let in on the secret that her mother in law was actually a lousy cook. The story is a feel good story about the tensions of family, and leaves the reader hoping for in-laws like Caroline and Larry.
I liked the subject of the story, and I think everyone can relate to stressing out over an afternoon with a girlfriend/boyfriend's parents.  The portrayal of the inner anxiety that comes with trying to impressed a loved ones family is accurate and well cast.  I especially liked the notion that Emma gets lost in her thoughts and is only brought back by her husband, Tim.  I feel like most people can relate to being completely absent in a conversation and getting wrapped up in some sort of inner turmoil.
I thought the story came a little dangerously close to reading like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond without the conflict between Rays mother and Deborah.  I think this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I was glad that there wasn't a wife to mother in-law estrogen explosion, but i think that the story could use some more conflict.  Maybe if dinner didn't get finished at all, or if the chicken was burnt black it would allow for a more compelling climax.

"He Loves Me" yea yea yea

"He Loves Me" is a story about the psychosis and emotional range of a woman who has become pregnant with the child of a man.  The contrast in emotions between the protagonist, Amy, and the father of the child points out interesting dynamics of gender orientation.  While the girl seems to have become obsessed with the father of her child, it appears as though the man-child has become detached or disinterested in Amy.  

I thought the dark humor in this story was outstanding.  Especially the line "I should really recycle," which comes after the pregnant Amy looks into her trash bin to see a bag full of liquor bottles.  The irony here had me cracking up in my apartment.  I also really enjoyed the perspective of the narrator, particularly the thought process throughout the story.  When she wakes up 5 minutes before the alarm and states how she hates doing that, I related to this feeling and it naturally drew me in.  All of the placement of irony in narrow-sightedness had me laughing in embarrassment.  

I had some trouble deciphering who was talking to whom on the first page, I think that if Meryl described her main character or described Sam it would help me get a better picture of the conversation.   I also thought some description of the Rapist/Love interest would really improve the story for me.